LOVE ATTACK OF THE 40-FOOT WOMAN

By jim holt

Ernst had a plan.

Wait until dark, walk down to the playa; find the most beautiful woman in the world.

Simple.

Darkness fell on Burning Man 2010.

He outlined his plan, again. We looked at each other, nodding.

Me? At times I look like a tired aging elf with wrinkles creasing in smile lines, shuffling around having lost the power to stay knee-high small.

Ernst? A gentle giant with glasses and red cheeks shuffling around having lost his power to stay house-tall.

“She’s beautiful,” I reminded him.

“Let’s go,” he said.

As soon as we shuffled past Center Camp and stepped onto the playa, we saw her in the distance changing color…. Vivid purple, neon red …

Our simple plan was unfolding.

At sunset, we found her.

Bliss – the 40-foot stainless steel sculpture of a woman dancing in the Black Rock Desert full of light and air, the golden ropes of dusk dripping through her form onto the ruddy-cheeked face of my friend, on me.

“She is beautiful,” I told Ernst as we both stared up between her legs.

“Yep,” said Ernst.

I touched one of the metal fibers spun to create such beauty.

“Amazing,” I added.

“That’s me,” said a voice behind me.

It didn’t sound like Ernst.

“That’s me,” the voice said again.

I turned around and she was there, having suddenly lost the power to be 40 feet tall and made of stainless steel tubing.

“That’s you?” Ernst and I said in unison, suddenly stunned into silence, suddenly wide-eyed.

Big tea saucer elf eyes and tea saucer giant eyes.

“Yep,” she said.

I turned my head to study the features of Bliss, turned back to study her.

Ernst did the same.

“Can I have a hug?” he asked, giants are so bold when they think they’re still so tall.

“Sure,” she said.

“Can I have a hug too,” elves are so bold when their giant pals reach out.

“Sure,” she said. “I’m singing here tomorrow night.”

“Really?” we both said, still wide-eyed.

“Yep, shortly after sunset,” she explained and was suddenly gone.

Ernst and I walked back across the playa, back to our camp, all the way describing the magic we had just experienced.

“I just hugged the most beautiful tallest woman in the world,” I told Ernst.

“I did too,” he said. “We both hugged the tallest most beautiful woman in the world.”

“And, she was beautiful too, inside I mean, really sweet.”

Silence

“Do you think it was her?” I asked. “Maybe it was just a woman drumming up support for her band, promoting the concert tomorrow night.”

More silence.

“Nay, that was she.”

We both nodded.

Others in our camp, however, were not so convinced.

Next evening, Ernst had a follow-up plan: wait until dusk, return to the playa, and wait for the concert.

Hundreds gathered at the foot of Bliss, then she appeared.

I looked up at my giant friend and smiled … he was a big as a house, as I was as small as a boot.

All around were dancing burners with music in every moving fiber of their own sculpted selves. A young ripped naked Tarzan character sporting only a loincloth and a naked longhaired Thor character near him each carved out dancing spaces around them amid a sea of beautiful women …. But I was made magical too ….. my smile wrinkles etched deeper into my face …. I looked over at the grinning giant Ernst happy and sweating and dancing .,.. his red cheeks burning a deeper crimson because he too was made more magical…..then we received affirmation.

“She even sings beautiful,” we said in smile language.

Sculptor Marco Cochrane joined the band on stage to thank Bliss Dance model Deja Solis who stood next to him.

I looked back at my giant friend.

We smiled at each other and nodded.

“We hugged the most beautiful woman in the world,” we said again in smile language.

Plan accomplished.

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